Gary Ralston: Clubs are in bother but at least Jambos keep their Dignity

RYAN STEVENSON'S taste in music is more old-fashioned than the average professional footballer, says GARY.
20 Jul 2013 09:02
Ryan Stevenson heads Hearts into the lead Ryan Stevenson heads Hearts into the lead

HEARTS may have turned to the kids but thanks to Ryan Stevenson their music in the dressing room remains delightfully old school.

Standing in the boot room at Stark's Park the other night, the ears of all and sundry were assaulted by a glorious string of hits from the blitz, with Neil Diamond and the likes to the fore.

I swear, if Perry Como had come on, I'd have been filing an exclusive on Tam Cowan turning his back on his beloved Motherwell to sign for the Jambos.

The piece de resistance was an ear-splitting, decibel blasting slice of Deacon Blue's Dignity.

One of the other boys – sadly, not me – immediately quipped: "Well, he can't exactly play Wages Day..."

EDDIE ****** Hunter from Queen's ******* Park has been on the ******* phone.

What a legend! In my days as a callow cub reporter I once called him up to ask about a tour of Los Angeles the Spiders had just completed.

He said: "****** awful, ***** facilities, ***** teams, ******* dreadful hotel."

A thousand dynamite words – admittedly, without the expletives, only 50 could be used.

The story duly ran and soon the phone was ringing with irate Queen's officials, who revealed they had stayed in five-star accommodation with wonderful hosts.

Furthermore, they had played at the stadium that would later host the World Cup Final against a side that made up the bulk of the US Under-21 team.

Eddie was soon on the blower to reveal: "Big man, I thought you knew I was at the wind-up."

It was the only time I never heard him swear.

Anyway, no joking this time, Eddie has old Queen's Park kit he would like to donate to a good cause in Africa.

He said: "****** ***** ***** ***** ****..." Och, look, if anyone is heading out to Africa on a charity mission and would like some kit for kids, drop me an email at g.ralston@dailyrecord.co.uk and I'll put you in touch.

FURY, but not Furyk, among the Motherwell coaching staff as Stuart McCall and Kenny Black prove they can pick a team but not a sweepstake.

The boys at Fir Park have piled in at a tenner a head on The Open and drawn their players to follow from a hat.

The top prize is £200, with the runner-up on £100 but McCall and Black were in the rough before the first golfer even stepped on the tee.

My Fir Park mole said: "They're not happy as they both picked ageing outsiders – Kenny's on Tom Morris and the gaffer's on Ben Hogan.

"Only six of the 39 players weren't picked and Tiger Woods was one of them." Tiger won't mind – he's more devastated at the absence of women around Muirfield.

SO Derek Rae and Gary McAllister will be the voices of Scottish football on BT Sport in the new season.

The excellent Darrell Currie will link it all together from the studio, with Emma Dodds trackside reporter.

But why the big stooshie about 5.35pm kick-offs on Saturday evenings? We had them for a full season in 2001 in the SPL.

Two of Scotland's most memorable games of recent years at Hampden, against France and Italy, also kicked off at the time now being slated.

Sadly, long gone are the days when Scottish football could rival the English game for an audience.

Now we're up against Ant, Dec and Dale Winton. I'd still fancy us over two legs, mind.

IT looked as if Vladimir Romanov finally surfaced this week when he was arrested outside the home of US Secretary of State John Kerry in Boston.

But this Vladimir Romanov, who was detained after Secret Service agents spotted him taking pictures of Kerry's house, is only 29.

Another dead giveaway was the only charge they could pin on him – having an open container of blueberry brandy in his car.

Definitely not our Vlad, then, as he has only ever feasted on sour grapes.

Taken from the Daily Record