Romanov swings the spotlight back to Hearts

BOTH Edinburgh teams being managerless at the same time must be an unprecedented situation, although we did come perilously close to this during the Nineties when Joe Jordan and Alex Miller were in the Capital.

Today, that's how things are shaping up. Tony Mowbray's gone to West Brom, and Valdas Ivanauskas' jaicket is... well, imagine a wet duffelcoat hanging from a peg that Mr Bean put up and you'll get the idea.

This column alluded only last week to the likelihood of Vladimir Romanov concocting a plan to return the glare of limelight back upon himself and Hearts. The sight of Hibs' managerial hunt dominating the sports pages wouldn't have gone down too well in Lithuania, although you can't help feeling a pang of sympathy for Ivanauskas as he returned to his homeland yesterday.

As he touched down in Kaunas he knew he had a tough act to follow - the Queen had only just left Lithuania. Her Majesty met Romanov [His Majesty] at a state banquet last week where the pair got chatting about Hearts. "One is appalled, Mr Romanov. Why on earth are you still picking Miko?" Lizzy was heard to ask. That may indeed be one of the first questions Valdas blurts out at today's meeting.

Contrary to reports, Romanov did not offer the Queen one of his now legendary five-year Jim McLean contracts. Experienced stars of the world are no use to him. It's experienced World Cup stars he's after. And anyway, that lengthy contract will be reserved for the next youngster considered by Vlad as a future mainstay of the substitutes' bench, whilst the Lithuanian equivalent of Hans Eskilsson continues to fuddle his way around the pitch. Romanov and Ivanauskas were due to convene this afternoon in a no-holds-barred confrontation which will ordain the latter's future.

Seems to be the week for this kind of thing, although the meeting in Lithuania should make the battle of Murray Park between Paul le Guen and Phil Bardsley look more like a round of handbags between Winnie the Pooh and Tinky Winky [I'll leave you to decide which is which]. On the subject of Rangers' in-fighting, I expected Barry Ferguson to get involved in last week's fracas, if only to calm everyone given that he's a much matured player these days. "Right, chill yer beanz or baith o' yeez'll get snibbed," might have been the skipper's intervening cry.

Meanwhile, back at Riccarton, Eduard Malofeev is in charge of Hearts' team affairs until Ivanauskas returns. If he ever returns. Malofeev doesn't speak any English, so at least he'll have something in common with the opposition manager when Dunfermline visit Tynecastle this Saturday.

Slowly, but surely, the eastern European influence in Gorgie is swelling. Directors, coaches, physios, players.

Next it will be Lithuanian stewards flown in to man the turnstiles on matchdays: Rockius Steadilunas Securitas. As Hibs delay the appointment of their new manager to make us think they're pondering a move for Ivanauskas, Dundee United could soon be joining Interim Managers R Us along with the two Capital clubs.

I actually think I might be getting the hang of this now. It's not too difficult to fathom: Every year Scottish football must have crisis clubs, right? Last season it was Hearts, or Rangers depending on your point of view. This time it's, er, Hearts or Rangers again.
Mowbray makes promise on players . . until he gets into the groove, that is

IT'S difficult to take some folk seriously. Madonna insists she's not going to Malawi to adopt any orphans and before you know it she's back in the country with a new play-mate for Rocco and Lourdes.

Then Tony Mowbray declares he won't try to tempt Hibs' kids to West Brom in January with a packet of sweets and some extra pocket money. Heard it.

Promises like these should come with an offer to do the buttons up on the back of our heads.

On second thoughts, best just leave them undone. After all, what difference does it make?

We're just the public - thick as mince that was made by your blindfolded granny.

It's like those these Thailand-based shysters on Ebay who are offering spanking new football kits for £2.99. You're fairly certain they're fake but it doesn't stop you clicking on their items to find out if, on the off chance, you've found a genuine one.

Madonna's youngster cost her a reported £1.6million. About the same as it would cost to take Kevin Thomson or Scott Brown away from Easter Road.

I'll be very interested to see if West Brom can resist come January.

Another one at it has been Paul le Guen. Allan McGregor is doing well as stand-in goalkeeper for Lionel Letizi at Rangers, gaining player-of-the-month plaudits and praise from his manager.

Then he's bumped by Le Guen in favour of the favoured Frenchman. Just what do Scots have to do to get a place in their club sides?

Like I said: Difficult to accept people at face value. Time to get Mo Johnston back over here. You could always put complete faith in whatever he said.

Taken from the Scotsman