SPL: Celtic 3 Hearts 0

Sep 13 2010 Keith Jackson

"I'm not saying love me, love me I'm thick, but there are certain things my brain won't allow me to understand."

The brrrrilliant Billy Connolly once uttered those words and they might well have been whirling around the Big Yin's brain as he sat through Celtic's latest SPL romp, while doubtless wondering exactly what to make of it all.

This was no ordinary 90 minutes even if another league win for Neil Lennon - his 12th on the spin - against a defensively depleted Hearts did seem predictable enough beforehand.

Nor was it as straightforward as the scoreline suggested.

No, this was a football match which somehow, in many different ways, was perfectly perplexing.

Celtic won by three goals but could have helped themselves to six. And yet, despite the emphatic nature of their defeat, Hearts left town feeling justifiably aggrieved not to be taking at least a point back across the M8.

In fact, boss Jim Jefferies was as incandescent with rage as can be medically advisable, so convinced was he that his side were robbed. While in one sense he was right, he also was wrong at the same time.

Confused? You will be.

Jefferies had watched his side dominate long spells of the first half and would have been celebrating a stunning opener after 27 minutes if Suso Santana's thumping drive had not smacked the base of Fraser Forster's right-hand post.

Seconds later he was bawling for offside as Daryl Murphy raced clear in front of the Hearts dugout.

Jefferies was in no doubt about what he had seen and his inner rage boiled over as Murphy bombed on to set up youngster James Forrest for the crucial breakthrough.

He rounded furiously on linesman Francis Andrews and was immediately invited by ref Willie Collum to join Connolly, Rod Stewart and the other Big Billy - McNeill - in the directors' box.

Later Jefferies demanded an apology from Collum for getting it so wrong. TV evidence, meanwhile, appears to suggest that, in fact, the officials got this one right.

If they did it was a rarity on a day when Collum and Co infuriated both bosses in near equal measure.

At one point Lennon was so outraged by Collum's failure to spot a trip on impressive Honduran Emilio Izaguirre he fell flat on the seat of his trademark leggings in his hurry to harangue the whistler.

It was one of those days and it got no better for Jefferies or for Collum when Shaun Maloney hit Celtic's second goal moments before half-time. This time the cameras appeared to prove Maloney had drifted offside before racing clear and that Hearts had been wronged.

It was now getting messy and yet, although they had been hard done by, Jefferies' players had slipped into a malaise of their own during this bizarre 15-minute meltdown.

They headed inside 2-0 down with the match beyond them, despite what had been in the main a hugely encouraging display.

And things were to get even more bemusing after the break.

Celtic ought to have been in total control but a few of Lennon's men decided to down tools.

It was Hearts who opened up just as they had in the first half but Celtic created the better chances.

The best fell to Maloney on the hour but while the Scotland cap was a stand-out, he seems to have an allergy to finding the net.

Faced with a virtually unguarded goal from six yards, Maloney dallied and the chance was gone, to the visible disbelief of his gaffer.

Seconds later Jefferies was doing his dinger as Collum and Andrews opted out of awarding what looked a stonewall penalty when Izaguirre sent David Templeton tumbling.

Hearts had been denied a lifeline and this was as close to a comeback as they were going to get as they were about to fall away badly again.

Lennon replaced skipper Scott Brown with Biram Kayal and Murphy with Georgios Samaras, injecting some fresh energy.

Samaras in particular made an impact. But although the Greek was good he was also at his familiar exasperating worst, contriving to blow a hat-trick of chances.

When he did take one he turned to see linesman Tommy Johnston flagging him offside. Cue another Lennon wobbly on the touchline.

With 13 minutes remaining this match took its final head scratcher of a twist when Celtic's manager chose to unleash the mysterious powers of Paddy McCourt.

Forget Samaras. This scruffy, permanently out of puff Ulsterman is the ultimate enigma. He used the 17 minutes to perform like a world beater and crowned his cameo with a magical solo run and a sublime finish, chipping Marian Kello from an angle to notch Celtic's third.

What is it with this guy? McCourt might be the single most talented player in the SPL. And yet, after two years of daily conditioning at Lennoxtown he still looks like he'd get a stitch going for the papers.

Maybe Connolly was bang on after all. There really are some things the ordinary brain simply cannot fathom.

And, for now, Paddy McCourt remains one of them.

Taken from the Daily Record